La Bubba Vita

Composed by Giuliani Veritas (In Italian)

Act I.

Bill Clinton has been elected President of the United States by an overwhelming margin. The Republicans are devastated and angry. They are trying to find their way back to power. As the curtain rises on the opera, the House Republicans are meeting with Ken Starr with the object of trying to find a way to remove Bill Clinton from the Presidency. The opening chorale, “We Must Find a Way” (Creato Grandissimo Scandalo con Floozi) is sung as a sextet. In an impressive recitative, Tom DeLay sings, “Where Will We Find a Helper?” (Dredgi Uppa una Grande Bimba). The House Republicans exit. Paula Jones enters stage right with a mirror, singing her plaintive, “Why Can’t I Find a Man?” (La Mia Shnozzola e Humonga). Tom DeLay and Newt Gingrich enter from the other wing. They spot Paula and sing the duet, “Why Not Her?” (La Flooza Perfetta). They meet and take Paula to a small café where they hatch their plot in hushed tones. Paula tells them of her meeting in a hotel with Clinton years earlier and how her fortunes have collapsed since then. DeLay and Gingrich offer to help. They sing the aria, “Your Luck has Changed” (Nozjobbo e Rewardatto).

Act II.

The House Republicans reconvene with the news of Paula’s revelations. They sing in jubilation, “We must Tell the World” (Fono Tabloido). The rear curtain raises to reveal the Chorus of Media who sing the chorale, “Tell Us More, But Only the Truth” (Scandalo Sessuale Hypo Sweepi). Gingrich enters with Pat Robertson. They sing the duet, “He Must Go” (Hypocriti Pious Crappola). Robertson offers to make time on his television program to expose the charges. At the House Republicans’ suggestion, Paula initiates a lawsuit. The Paula Jones scandal becomes the topic of conversation throughout the country. The Chorus of Lawyers enters from the right to sing the jubilant grand chorale, “We Must do Our Duty” (Molto, Molto Grande Moola). Ken Starr meets with the House Republicans to plan the next steps. They sing the aria, “We Will Save the Country” (Sleezi Connive, la Media Sostupido). Starr promises to convene a grand jury which will send charges to the Congress. He sings, “The Truth Will be Known” (Whitewater non Starto: Probberemo con l’Epidemia di Floozi). The Chorus of Lawyers sings a reprise of “We Must Do Our Duty” as the act ends.

Act III.

Linda Tripp enters the stage arm in arm with Ken Starr. She is wearing a headset. She is singing, “Monica is My Dearest Friend” (Sono la Wiccida Witchida del Westo). She tells Starr about the secret tapes that she has made of conversations with Monica Lewinsky. Starr takes them from her and sings, “We’ve Got Him Now” (Il Presidente Droppo i Pantaloni). Starr hurries off to the Grand Jury to call Monica as a witness. In Scene 2, Monica enters the grand jury room where the Chorus of Lawyers asks her questions. They sing the recitative, “How Did It Happen?” (Panti Thongo, la Flashi). Monica sings the long passionate aria, “We Were Meant for Each Other” (Non Fumo... E un Symbollo Phallico). In the third scene, Hillary and Bill are sitting in the Lincoln Bedroom talking about the revelations about Monica. Hillary sings, “I Will Stand By You” (Stupido Figlio di Putana! Io Devo Castrati). Bill replies with, “She Was the Only One” (Non Conto Gennifer, Paula… Sono Tanti Bimbe che Forgetto).

Act IV.

Sam Donaldson is interviewing Henry Hyde in the Capitol Building. The chorus of Lawyers hums in the background. Hyde sings the aria, “We Believe in Something” (Impeaccho Hippi Bastardo). Donaldson sings a recitative in answer, “We Only Want the Truth” (Il Mio Toupee e Slippo). The great trial begins in the Senate. Trent reacts to public opinion polls showing that the President has a 76% approval rating with the public, singing the poignant aria, “What is Right is Not Popular” (Il Partito Repubblicano Devi Committere Suicidio). The Chorus of Lawyers sings the chorale, “Principles Come First” (Il Mio Adulterio Non Conta). With great flourish, Henry Hyde, Bill McCullom and Tom DeLay stand before the Senate to present their case. The trio sings the somber, “How Can you Not Convict?” (L’Evidenza era Molto Flimsiosa). Finally in a moving chorale, the Chorus of Lawyers sings, “For the Good of the Nation, We Must Acquit” (Il Senatori non sono Stupidi.) After the vote is announced, Henry Hyde, Tom DeLay, Trent Lott, and Bill McCollum leave the Senate Chamber singing the grand quartet, “We Still Know the Truth” (Ti Gettremo alla Nexta Internna) as the act ends.

Epilogue.

The President sings the contrite aria, “I am Very Sorry” (Revengo Futuro Furioso) as the Chorus of Media circles him, shouting their questions. They sing, “Who Will Now Believe Us?” (Il Publicco e Disgustanto con la Media). Monica Lewinsky crosses the stage with her new literary agent, Ken Starr. They sing, “It is Still Not Over” (Publishi Grande Boocchio: Millioni di Dollari), as the curtain falls.